I, Woman

Last Thursday, in conjunction with the International Women Day, the Women Aspiration Network of the company I work for, had organized a one-day motivation and learning event. One of the speakers’ presentations was titled ‘His Needs, Her Needs’. His talk was basically about how men and women are built differently, and how we can understand these differences in order to communicate with each other better, at home or at work. A bit about the speaker and the organisation he was representing - Mr Lee Wai Min quit his job as a civil engineer in 1998 to concentrate his efforts in Focus on the Family. In their own words: ‘FOTF is a non-profit organisation with a clear mission. We believe that the family is the basic functional unit of our society, and that the well being of the family is essential to the stability, morale, security and prosperity of the nation. We are committed to strengthening families through education, training, and support to help achieve this objective.’

One of my takeback points from the event is that organizations are recognizing and accepting ‘feminine’ style of leadership. Women leaders no longer need to attempt to be like their male counterparts and ‘strive to win each time’, but can ‘achieve consensual negotiations’, too. In the feminist revolution in the West back in the 60’s and 70’s, to suggest that men and women are not equal was not politically correct. But now, the society is beginning to accept that men and women are ‘built intrinsically different’, something Islam has traditionally recognized a long time ago! When talking about the roles of men and women in Islam, the treatment should always be ‘fair’ rather than ‘equal’. Adil, bermakna ‘meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya’. Lawannya zalim, ‘meletakkan sesuatu bukan pada tempatnya’.

But I’m digressing - back to the speakers’ presentation. An excerpt from his materials:

What Girls Do Better Than Boys

• Fine motor skills eg knitting
• Multitasking
• Remember original position of objects
• Spelling, word generation, verbal memory
• Read body language & facial expression

What Boys Do Better Than Girls

• Targetting skills
• Mathematical resoning & problem solving
• Habit formation & maintenance
• Spatial skill

And he ended his presentations with the following lists:

3 things women should understand about men

1. Men are not as in touch with their emotion as women. They fail to express clearly or readily.


2. Men are more independent than women. They feel they should go away and assert their masculinity.


3. Men are more abstract than women. Men talk about ideas, concepts, and theories while women talk about fears, feeling, and experiences.

3 things men should understand about women

1. Women are not as independent as men are. They appreciate a ‘web of connectedness’ and are threatened by a rupture in relationships.


2. Women focus on here and now, ‘what’s happening now and how do I feel about it’ more than plans for tomorrow.


3. Women are not as competitive as men are. Women tend to minimize hostility and maximize cooperation.

Having said all these however, we shouldn't generalize and stereotype based on gender. These are just tendencies and norms – naturally, there will be individuals who are good with certain skills that are usually attributed to the other gender. But I do relate to some of those though. For example, I’m terrible at difficult parking (spatial skills) – I’d rather choose an easy parking spot further away, rather than risk denting my (or worse, other people’s) car. Conversely, I’m supposedly good (or better than MDH at least, or so he claims) at remembering people. By the way, I haven't read John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

What other attributes do you think are typically women or typically men?