Favourites

Firstly, a belated Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all. Will upload photos in my FP soon insyaAllah.

This Favourites tag is from Mektwain - not that I had actually been tagged in specific, tapi sebab tengah kering idea nak tulis apa, so let's indulge in this hehe..

Smell
: Newborn babies
: My babies - the newborn, not-so-new-born, and born-long-time-ago
: Freshly baked bread/bakeries

Movie
: The Mirror Has Two Faces (bet you've never even heard of it, but it's the only movie I've watched more than 10 times)
: The Sound of Music
: Lord of the Rings trilogy (MHH's influence)

Food
: Mok's laksa Penang, nasi dagang, laksam, curries (including karipap), etc (the list goes on...)
: All things sweet - chocolates, icecream (fav flavour vanilla), cakes, you name it I love it! (yes, I have extra sweet tooth)
: Bread and potatoes (including potato chips! That, with a glass of fresh cool milk or hot chocolate is one of life's simple pleasures)

Place
: Home(s)
: Beach/Park/Nature
: Jalan-jalan (?)

Shape
: Basics
: Geometrical
: Floral/Plant

TV show
: Crime - CSI, Numb3rs
: 'Pseudo'documentaries - Beyond Tomorrow, How do they do it, Mythbusters, I didn't know that, Mad Labs etc
: Cooking show - anything with Jamie Oliver & Nigella Lawson in it

Song
: I Finally Found Someone (Barbra Streisand/Bryan Adams)
: Unforgettable (something Cole, no offence Mr Cole - I don't remember your first name)
: Teman Sejati (Brothers)

Books (not in original tag, but I feel like putting it in, boleh ke?)
: Crime/Whodunnits - Agatha Christie, Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes
: Jeffrey Archer, Michael Crichton, Dan Brown, Arthur Hailey
: Kang Abik (I've only read AAC so far, but it's impressive enough - exceeded my expectations. Would like to read his oher works. At some point.)

Cosmetic
: Olay (cleanser)
: Nivea (moisturising cream)
: J&J (share my babies punya bedak & lotion)

American Idol
: Dunno
: coz
: don't really watch the show

Website
: As per the links
: I put
: in my blog

Gadget
: My handphone - Sony Ericcson W810i
: Canon IXUS55 digital camera (shared with MHH)
: I never own a laptop yet, but I'm hoping to get one soon. My brothers (yes, plural) are trying to convince me to get a Macbook but I haven't made up my mind yet..

Year
: 1980
: 2002
: 2006

Footwear
: Scotch/Bata Comfit sandals (casual)
: Bata plain black shoes (office)
: I only own two pairs at a time, replaced only when worn out - usually once every one to two years (not much of a 'shoe' person aye?) Well, actually I do have a pair of sneakers for bersukan purposes (from uni days ok) but since I haven't bersukan for a long time so I haven't worn those for a long time - don't even know where it is now hehe.. so it doesn't count ;p

Handbag/Hand Luggage/Bag
: Handbag - the one I'm using now F.timber is really worn out and in need of a replacement! I usually buy one every two to three years (not much of a handbag person either, it seems)
: Polo trolley bag for family trips
: The-everything-else bags - one for diapers/change of clothes/snacks/water/etc for family outings, one for books/files/stationeries/etc for office

Latest Splurge
: Beli barang baby
: Will splurge on something soon, though it's not really a 'splurge'lah - just spending a lot of money on something that will hopefully pays out (sounds mysterious? I hope to be able to tell you more about this soon, insyaAllah)
: Bila habis pantang, nak splurge on nice yummy food, boleh? (MHH, *hint hint* :p)

Anyone interested to do this tag, you're most welcomed!

How do you do pantang?

When asked this, I'd say 'sederhana je' - not too strict, tapi tak pulak tinggal langsung. A few days ago, an aunt who came to visit reminded me: Jagalah betul-betul, sekarang memang tak rasa apa-apa, tapi nanti bila umur dah lebih 40, barulah rasa... The thing is, it's not that I don't care, but rather - I don't know. I asked people around me of course, my mum, my mother-in-law, my aunts, the makcik urut etc, and they each give bits and pieces of information but somehow it's all still blurry. Actually there is now an Ensiklopedi@ Perbid@nan Melayu written by Anisah Barakb@h in the market which probably contains all the information I need to know, but well - I haven't read it nor do I have plans to buy it anytime soon. For now, this is how I do my pantang.

Makan. General rule: makan benda yang 'panas', and avoid benda yang 'sejuk'. I don't really know how to tell between the two though. I don't feel panas even bila makan durian, lots of them. I was told that most fruits and vegetables are cold. Melons are definite no-no. Oranges too. Apples and bananas are ok. Sayur jenis labu are cold, avoid kangkung, carrots are ok. Guava is another no-no, but for a different reason. Black pepper and ginger are hot, therefore I take these two together with my rice almost each lunch and dinnertime. Fortunately for me, I like them. Oil and butter and their sisters should be minimised, therefore the best types of cookings are soups and grills. Well, kalau tak pantang pun, it's a healthy eating habit anyway. Ikan haruan is supposedly good too, but I don't really make the effort to look for them (in the market I mean, not in the sungai/parit). Talking about food that are sejuk and panas, I've always wondered what they mean. To our physiology. I imagine the chemical reactions during digestion either releases heat or the opposite. Pure conjecture. Just like I imagine 'angin' being the gaseous released in those reactions. Betul ke?

Jamu. This time I bought the set Mustik@ R@tu, but I suspect I'll only finish the pills. I'm not rajin enough to do the 'oles-oles' bit. Oles pada dahi lah, seluruh badan lah, perut lah. The magic herb to take is of course manjakani. Drinking the air rebusan of the biji itself is best, though it's more covenient to take the pills. My mum drinks air akar kayu too, but I don't really adopt this - pahit sangat.

Mandi. My mum helps gather some leaves to boil untuk mandi pagi - daun pandan, daun lempoyang (probably known by another name, but that's what my mum calls it), and daun serai wangi. I'm not really clear on what they're for, but they are supposed 'menyegarkan badan', and I like the smell - harum. This is usually done only in the first week or so.

Urut. I believe this is quite important. I'm fortunate to know a good makcik urut. It was by chance - serendipity I would say. She handed out her number to me at a pasar malam (seeing I was pregnant and therefore a potential client) more than two years ago when I was pregnant with my first son. She spent two hours mengurut, usually about a week after delivery, and charges RM30 per hour. The 'angkat peranakan (uterus?)' bit was really painful (well, not if compared to labour pain lah), but it was a case of bersusah dahulu, bersenang kemudian. My second pregnancy was relatively smooth sailing compared to someone close I know who had to endure months of abdominal pain during her second pregnancy because rahim dah 'jatuh/turun' (whatever that is in medical terms). The bad news for me was, quite a number of my urat were tegang/bengkak, especially at the legs. Makcik cakap it's probably due to careless (unhealthy) eating habit and possibly also too much driving. I think I'll go for more urut sessions with her in the future to reduce this. I do feel lenguh quite easily (the result of having these urat tegang). This is also another thing I've been wondering about - what are 'urats' anyway? I presume they're arteries and veins? What does it mean urat 'tegang/bengkak'? Since it resulted in cepat lenguh/kebas, I suppose it's something to do with blood flow. Blockages? Hmm...

Fizikal. I'm not supposed to lift heavy things - and that includes Munief! I'm quite used to dukung-ing him, so it's quite difficult sometimes, especially when he's in need of a good pujuk, but we cope. I'm not supposed to rush or hustle (or run, needless to say), I try to walk calmly, macam gadis ayu gitu. I'm not supposed to walk up the stairs, though I admit I already did - had to look for something urgently. I wear socks, though not too religiously, I do take them off when it gets too warm. But I do appreacite them especailly after a bath, in the kitchen (cold tiles), and at night. I do bertungku once in awhile, or rather three times so far, my mum helps heat up the really heavy round batu. I've only berbengkung once so far, because putting it on is so leceh, and having it on is so uncomfortable - kalau duduk, tak boleh bernafas, nak makan pun uncomfortable.

Hmm.. looking back at the list, it seems like I pick and choose the practices which I like only kan? Heheh.. What about you - how do you do your pantang? Do share your stories and do's and don'ts. By the way, MHH has registered our baby at the JPN this morning. Her name is Afiefah Mardiyyah - or Fifa for short :)

Ahlan ya ibnati!

Alhamdulillah! I've delivered a baby girl last Saturday morning. We are both doing fine, Alhamdulillah. Her name has not been finalised yet, but here's some hint. Big brother Munief has been fascinated with his lil sis :) I'll be off work for 3 months InsyaAllah (yay!!), taking advantage of the newly introduced flexi-work policy.

Networking

The scene was too familiar. It was teabreak during a business conference and there I was, standing alone at the corner, quietly eating my cake and sipping my tea. I watched other people maximize this time to socialize and build network. “Hi, we haven’t met. I’m so-and-so, doing so-and-so at so-and-so department. You are?” It seemed easy enough. But not for me – I am always the quiet one (or introverted, the term commonly used in personality tests), who finds it difficult to make small talk with strangers. Company lunches and other social events are exhausting for me, for it takes significant amount of effort to be ‘entertaining and entertained’. Some people may not understand this – what’s so difficult about socializing?

In many areas, especially in the corporate and business worlds, networking is important. Who you know, DOES matter. For someone who’s pretty bad at networking, I used to think that this is rather unfair and can somewhat be construed as ‘cronyism’. But now that I’m (supposedly) several years wiser - I have revised my opinion: networking does make sense, though it’s still subject to abuse. In the workplace, knowing people does make it easier. For example, when you need certain information (non-confidential, mind you, to be ethically correct) from another department, knowing someone there would save you quite some valuable time. Or if you are a business owner, having a good network will definitely work wonders for example when you want to source for a reliable supplier or widen the target market your product. When it comes to deciding for the right person to take up a job, it gets a bit tricky. Of course, all candidates should be judged fairly and equally, but it will be an advantage for candidates who are known by the decision-makers. But the advantage shouldn’t be just because the decision-makers know the candidate fullstop, bur rather because the decision-makers know that the candidate can do a good job – see the difference?

But enough about workplace. Networking is important in our personal life too. It’s about building relationships. Wouldn’t it be great if we keep in touch with our relatives and friends, and furthermore, keep on making new friends, and meeting even more extended family members? Afterall, ukhuwwah is not taken lightly in Islam. Having said all these, it's important to remember that we shouldn't network with the selfish intention of wanting to gain something from the relationship. Instead, let's try to be honest and ikhlas. A relationship for the sake of relationship itself – why not?

Having changed my mindset about networking hasn’t changed my personality – but at least I’m more open about it now. I do try to push myself out of my comfort zone once in a while, when I feel up for it. I smile and say “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Mynie, and you are?”

Further reading, taken from here.

Overcoming Fears of Social Phobia By Will Kintish

I quote from The Social Phobia/Social Anxiety Association web page:“In public places, such as work, meetings, or social and business gatherings, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is watching, staring and judging them (even though rationally they know this isn't true). The socially anxious person can't relax, ‘take it easy’ and enjoy themselves in public. In fact, they can never fully relax when other people are around. It always feels like others are evaluating them, being critical of them, or ‘judging’ them in some way. The person with social anxiety knows that people don't do this openly, of course, but they still feel the self-consciousness and judgment while they are in the other person's presence. It's sometimes impossible to let go, relax and focus on anything else except the anxiety and fear. Because the anxiety is so very painful, it's much easier just to stay away from social situations and avoid other people altogether.”

If this is a problem for you I can describe you in one word - "normal". We have presented to over 25,000 people and 99% tell us they have an issue walking into that room. That room...be it business or social.Consider these key 20 thoughts before walking in prior to attending events (both social or business).

1. You are about to give up 3 precious hours, unpaid, if it’s work related, so get the most out of it.

2. Get positive and think you will enjoy this event and have some real fun

3. This room will be familiar. You will see people on their own, open 2 ‘s and 3’s. They will be welcoming. Beware of the closed 2’s 3’s and 4+ groups unless there are people in there you already know.

4. Approach groups you feel comfortable with. Male/female? Younger /older? Tall/ not so tall?

5. What have you got in common with the people at the event? You all travelled to get here; you are guests of the same hosts; you are all this seminar to learn something; you both know the happy couple, but which side? Ask questions based on those topics you have in common.

6. Plan to talk to 3 new people and gain 3 new pieces of information. When you have prepared and found targets on the guest list ensure you introduce yourself to those people.

7. You are only selling yourself, not your company, it’s services or products. You are the human face of your organisation; when you make a great impression and they have a need for the services you offer you are the portal through which the prospect will come. Maybe not immediately but later, as long as you keep in touch.

8. Get yourself in the right state. Walk in ,head held high, shoulders back …and smile.

9. You are a decent and likeable person; believe in yourself and, in your area you have much knowledge and expertise.

10. Everyone at the event wants to network. They want to meet you just as much as you want to meet them. The chances of rejection are tiny.

11. There will be the odd rude person …let’s just get away from them as soon as possible.

12. It might happen, but very very occasionally you might get rejected. These people aren’t worth giving a second thought to. Let’s focus on the 99.9% of pleasant and
welcoming people.

13. If you are shy ( or believe you are) it has to be time to do your best to face your fears. Where possible aim to go with someone you know and ‘hunt in pairs’. When you find it starts to get easier aim to approach people on your own.

14. Move on from groups if you are not part of the conversation. Excuse yourself and start again approaching people alone, open two’s and three’s.

15. Let the other person do most of the talking. Be a good listener and encourage others talking about themselves.

16. It is more preferable to be more interested than interesting. You learn nothing than talking, only by listening.

17. Small talk is the foundation of all relationships. Home surroundings, holidays and travel, sports interests and hobbies, current events and family. Be sensitive to the last topic.

18. When you talk business ascertain the person’s background, how business is at present and where they see things going.

19. When you spot an opportunity ask for their business card and then ask permission to call a few days later. Write down the agreed date on the back of their card.

20. As soon as you get home diarise the call and annotate all useful information on the card in preparation of making that vital follow up call.

The sweet couple

Last Saturday when taking my son out to Alamand@, I saw a sweet couple sitting on a bench, or rather - the husband was lying down with his head on his wife’s lap, while having a conversation. Had they been young, I would probably have felt differently – perhaps a bit suspicious and annoyed, but they were not. They were in fact watching their children play in the nearby indoor playground, about 4 or 5 of them, the eldest probably in her early teens. Had they been out in the open, I would probably feel that it’s an inappropriate public display of affection, but their position is quite discreet, hidden behind the blocks of stairs and slides. How sweet.

It’s this kind of love that inspires me; the one that grows instead of diminishes with years; one where openness and honesty with affection nurtures the souls; and in turn nourishes the whole family. I’ve always been fascinated watching old couples in love when I was in the UK (and when I say old I mean walking-stick-old!) – sitting down on a bench enjoying the view, holding hands. Then, and now. In good times, and bad times. Reminds me of a line I read once in a storybook (love story, obviously); love is not just about kissing under the fireworks and moonlight, it’s also about cleaning up after your beloved and giving him/her medicine in the middle of the night when he/she is sick. Thank you, Allah, for this wordly pleasure called love. May our love be rooted in our love for you, and will result in us being closer to you, InsyaAllah…

(Err, apasal tiba-tiba jiwang sangat ni? ;p)

Related: Ustaz H@srizal wrote about menghargai kasih saying suami dan isteri earlier this year in his article ‘Isteri dan Mata Hati’.