Networking

The scene was too familiar. It was teabreak during a business conference and there I was, standing alone at the corner, quietly eating my cake and sipping my tea. I watched other people maximize this time to socialize and build network. “Hi, we haven’t met. I’m so-and-so, doing so-and-so at so-and-so department. You are?” It seemed easy enough. But not for me – I am always the quiet one (or introverted, the term commonly used in personality tests), who finds it difficult to make small talk with strangers. Company lunches and other social events are exhausting for me, for it takes significant amount of effort to be ‘entertaining and entertained’. Some people may not understand this – what’s so difficult about socializing?

In many areas, especially in the corporate and business worlds, networking is important. Who you know, DOES matter. For someone who’s pretty bad at networking, I used to think that this is rather unfair and can somewhat be construed as ‘cronyism’. But now that I’m (supposedly) several years wiser - I have revised my opinion: networking does make sense, though it’s still subject to abuse. In the workplace, knowing people does make it easier. For example, when you need certain information (non-confidential, mind you, to be ethically correct) from another department, knowing someone there would save you quite some valuable time. Or if you are a business owner, having a good network will definitely work wonders for example when you want to source for a reliable supplier or widen the target market your product. When it comes to deciding for the right person to take up a job, it gets a bit tricky. Of course, all candidates should be judged fairly and equally, but it will be an advantage for candidates who are known by the decision-makers. But the advantage shouldn’t be just because the decision-makers know the candidate fullstop, bur rather because the decision-makers know that the candidate can do a good job – see the difference?

But enough about workplace. Networking is important in our personal life too. It’s about building relationships. Wouldn’t it be great if we keep in touch with our relatives and friends, and furthermore, keep on making new friends, and meeting even more extended family members? Afterall, ukhuwwah is not taken lightly in Islam. Having said all these, it's important to remember that we shouldn't network with the selfish intention of wanting to gain something from the relationship. Instead, let's try to be honest and ikhlas. A relationship for the sake of relationship itself – why not?

Having changed my mindset about networking hasn’t changed my personality – but at least I’m more open about it now. I do try to push myself out of my comfort zone once in a while, when I feel up for it. I smile and say “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Mynie, and you are?”

Further reading, taken from here.

Overcoming Fears of Social Phobia By Will Kintish

I quote from The Social Phobia/Social Anxiety Association web page:“In public places, such as work, meetings, or social and business gatherings, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is watching, staring and judging them (even though rationally they know this isn't true). The socially anxious person can't relax, ‘take it easy’ and enjoy themselves in public. In fact, they can never fully relax when other people are around. It always feels like others are evaluating them, being critical of them, or ‘judging’ them in some way. The person with social anxiety knows that people don't do this openly, of course, but they still feel the self-consciousness and judgment while they are in the other person's presence. It's sometimes impossible to let go, relax and focus on anything else except the anxiety and fear. Because the anxiety is so very painful, it's much easier just to stay away from social situations and avoid other people altogether.”

If this is a problem for you I can describe you in one word - "normal". We have presented to over 25,000 people and 99% tell us they have an issue walking into that room. That room...be it business or social.Consider these key 20 thoughts before walking in prior to attending events (both social or business).

1. You are about to give up 3 precious hours, unpaid, if it’s work related, so get the most out of it.

2. Get positive and think you will enjoy this event and have some real fun

3. This room will be familiar. You will see people on their own, open 2 ‘s and 3’s. They will be welcoming. Beware of the closed 2’s 3’s and 4+ groups unless there are people in there you already know.

4. Approach groups you feel comfortable with. Male/female? Younger /older? Tall/ not so tall?

5. What have you got in common with the people at the event? You all travelled to get here; you are guests of the same hosts; you are all this seminar to learn something; you both know the happy couple, but which side? Ask questions based on those topics you have in common.

6. Plan to talk to 3 new people and gain 3 new pieces of information. When you have prepared and found targets on the guest list ensure you introduce yourself to those people.

7. You are only selling yourself, not your company, it’s services or products. You are the human face of your organisation; when you make a great impression and they have a need for the services you offer you are the portal through which the prospect will come. Maybe not immediately but later, as long as you keep in touch.

8. Get yourself in the right state. Walk in ,head held high, shoulders back …and smile.

9. You are a decent and likeable person; believe in yourself and, in your area you have much knowledge and expertise.

10. Everyone at the event wants to network. They want to meet you just as much as you want to meet them. The chances of rejection are tiny.

11. There will be the odd rude person …let’s just get away from them as soon as possible.

12. It might happen, but very very occasionally you might get rejected. These people aren’t worth giving a second thought to. Let’s focus on the 99.9% of pleasant and
welcoming people.

13. If you are shy ( or believe you are) it has to be time to do your best to face your fears. Where possible aim to go with someone you know and ‘hunt in pairs’. When you find it starts to get easier aim to approach people on your own.

14. Move on from groups if you are not part of the conversation. Excuse yourself and start again approaching people alone, open two’s and three’s.

15. Let the other person do most of the talking. Be a good listener and encourage others talking about themselves.

16. It is more preferable to be more interested than interesting. You learn nothing than talking, only by listening.

17. Small talk is the foundation of all relationships. Home surroundings, holidays and travel, sports interests and hobbies, current events and family. Be sensitive to the last topic.

18. When you talk business ascertain the person’s background, how business is at present and where they see things going.

19. When you spot an opportunity ask for their business card and then ask permission to call a few days later. Write down the agreed date on the back of their card.

20. As soon as you get home diarise the call and annotate all useful information on the card in preparation of making that vital follow up call.