Do as I say, or else....

"Why don't you try putting on lotion on your baby's skin every time after bath? The skin will be fair and smooth," said D to me. We were sitting in the living room.

I was a bit distracted. I was thinking about an incident that had happened earlier, not that long ago. D was trying to control her toddler daughter E from 'vandalising' the plates of kuih and cups of tea on the tale. D showed her fist in warning - the first time I saw a parent threaten his/her kids this way! And I've seen D do this several times already in the short span she's here. Her toddler E didn't heed her mum's warning - she toppled a plate of kuih onto the floor. D gave E a good painful pinch on the tummy. E ran to her grandmother, crying hard - so hard in fact, that E threw up on her. D was shouting words of reprimands, but her mother (E's grandma) stopped her, "That's quite enough, D."

"The lotion works. Aunt H gave me the tip and I've been doing it," D continued, pulling me back from my reverie. I didn't say anything. I wasn't surprised to hear such tips coming from a family where a mother has refused to accept her son's choice of wife because she's 'fat', and another mother who told her daughter to pinch her nose so that it won't appear so flat.

My attention went to my son who were playing with E. Munief was holding out his hand, asking for the toy in E's hand. "No!" said E, her hand up in the air, in a threatening gesture as if to give him a good slap. Munief persisted. He got the slap. He cried and ran to me. All I could do was to sooth my own son. Please don't pick that up, Munief.

Ahha - disciplining one's kids; a topic that I still have loads to learn, seeing that our first child is barely two years' old. Of course, it's never too early to start. On the contrary, it is perhaps of utmost important that a good foundation is built from a very young age. That's why I sometimes worry - am I (are we) doing it right? MHH has always reminded me that we should be firm in our actions. He's good at that, being firm without appearing to be 'garang'. Unfortunately, I'm not. I give in quite easily. That's why MHH dresses up Munief with ease after his bath while I have to run around after him. Toddler being a toddler, Munief has his own antics, which on bad days can sometimes drive me up the wall. What I would usually do is to explain to him why he shouldn't be doing what he was doing in what I hoped to be a firm intonation. Toddler being a toddler, he sometimes don't understand (though I still continue to do this in the hope that he would still learn something). When my patience run out, I either become rash, start to raise my voice a bit, or I'll go away and ignore him, both of which are probably not the wisest thing to do. Again, MHH has more patience than me, usually succeeding in stopping Munief.

Overall, I try not to stop Munief from doing things (because I believe kids learn through exploring), unless it's dangerous or has really unwanted consequence or is a bad habit to pick up. For example when he shreds tissue (he sure likes to do this!), I would usually allow him to enjoy a few joyous tissue-shredding moments before stopping him. I don't scold him for spilling food or drinks on the table or floor (unless he did it in purpose), but I do remind him to be more careful next time. When Munief does something that annoys me or makes me mad, I try to keep my cool by reminding myself that he didn't do it to annoy me.

I remember reading a snippet sometime back (I think it's from one of the Chicken S0up series) about a boy who went outside to play and damaged his mother's prized roses bed. She wanted to give him severe punishment (out of anger, rather than the desire to discipline him) but the father reminded her, "We are raising a child here, not flowers." It all depends on context of course, but in that case, the parents are clear on their priorities and objectives.

What's your take? Thoughts/tips/sharing most welcomed, as always.