I'm sorry, my son
I’ve been dreading this moment since yesterday. It will not be easy to leave my son at his babysitter’s home after more than one week of being solely with me.
As he lie down drinking his milk, I kiss his forehead and said quietly, “Ummi pergi kerja dulu, sayang. Petang nanti Ummi datang jemput, ok? Ummi loves you very much.” Under normal circumstance, he would smile and give me a little wave. But this time, he quickly put down his bottle, sits up, and put his head on my lap.
I give him one of the mini cupcakes I brought for him, and he eats it heartily. I throw Nani a look of appeal. “Mari ikut Kak Nani buang sampah (kulit cupcake) dalam dustbin,” says Nani, holding my son’s hand.
I promptly slip away. I know I shouldn’t. Parenting tips says I should never sneak away and must always explain my leaving and say proper goodbyes. But I’ve been here more than half an hour already.
I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry, I chanted silently in my head – like a mantra. And then my ears caught the wailing of my son who must have just discovered his Ummi is gone. Tears streamed down my cheeks unchecked. I pulled out from the driveway and drove away, my vision slightly blurred. I’m sorry, my son.
Remember this feeling, I told myself. Remember this feeling – it’s going to be useful when it’s time to to make THE decision.
4 comments:
totally heart wrenching! akak pun tak taulah macamana i deal with this situation all these while when i have to leave my children. usually i will cry when everybody in the plane is fast asleep. i will cry quietly and wishing hard this can be over with in split seconds!
hang on there mynie. there is still a long way to go for all of us! there will be many2 more of this heart wrenching scenes!
kak ana, apalah sgt challenge yg saya kena lalui ni berbanding akak yg pernah travel tinggal family berminggu2! mmg sometimes rasa jugak i shld be grateful - org lain lagi susah/sedih...
tp of course tak salah wanting/working towards the better, kan? sure pakar motivasi kita ni setuju :)
such are of choices WE make. we cud be there for our kids if we want to. I'm not trying to play smart here kak mynie, honestly I felt a bit 'heran' why some mothers who left their kids to sitters and nurseries will always talk about how sad it is to do so and how they hate it BUT often think it just happened and they could do nothing about it WHEN the primary reason why our kids are there IS because WE: the PARENTS made the decision to do so. Semua org ada tanggungjawab utk selain dr yg bernama anak, TETAPI pd seorg ibu I'd say yg paling berhak ke atasnya selepas suami would be anak. Allahua'lam minta maaf ye kak. This is not meant to criticise u or anybody sesuka hati. This is what I've been observing, listening from many workin gor non workin gmothers whom either left their children for work or even to pursue their studies. Boleh tinggal anak, tapi kalau BOLEH tak tinggal atau tak selalu tinggal, I think that will be better. ALlah Knows Best.
nurin, i accept your comment with open mind. jadi motivasi dan pembakar semangat untuk capai aspirasi, insyaAllah. having said that however, it's about making choice dan decisions, as you rightly point out, and i respect the decisions (and sacrifices) that some mothers have to make. i believe that all mothers/fathers can do responsible and effective parenting with some efforts and will, insyAllah.. wallahu'alam.
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